Amy’s Life in Brief

How does burn out start?
April 8, 2009, 5:38 am
Filed under: balance, boundaries, burn out, family life, home life, mom | Tags: ,

I’ve been wondering about this and have been thinking that maybe I know. I don’t write much about my Dear Husband. Generally speaking, I have a very good husband. He loves me and loves our kids and when does things, he almost always has the best interest of our family in mind. And given the work I do and the things I see, I realize we would have to travel a long way down a very different path to even get close to a troubled marriage. And now, here it comes….

BUT, he is burning me out, I think. I don’t say this in a boastful way, but I have a pretty demanding and stressful job. Most days, I am trying to find solutions to impossible problems, dealing with the emotional baggage of others and generally listening to some pretty sad stories all day long. He has a pretty demanding job right now, too. I recognize that. In fact, I did that job for five years…staying home with the kids is very difficult. The pay and benefits are lousy, the hours suck, and the bosses are pretty demanding.

But, finding a balance has been difficult for me. I am finding it more and more difficult to come straight home from work and immediately begin working as soon as I arrive. My husband is very ready for me to be home each night and promptly disappears once I arrive. I occasionally am able to change my clothes, but lately that has been difficult to accomplish. I’ve tried negotiating at least 15 minutes upon arrival as a free time so I can change my clothes and gather myself. His response is, “But the kids want you and I need a break.”

The interesting thing is that when the roles were reversed and I was the stay at home parent, I didn’t get my chance to disappear until around 6:00 PM. Then, I had about 30 minutes before I had to do baths, the D’s medication and putting kids to bed. Now, my husband gives the boys their baths, but I still do the D’s medication and put them to bed. Had I tried to negotiate a similar arrangement when the husband was working, he would have been appalled that I would even suggest something like that.

And so now I am feeling overworked. I work all day, come home and cook dinner and basically tend to everyone’s needs until about 8:30 at night. And I’m just feeling very frustrated that I can’t get my husband to understand where I’m coming from.


8 Comments so far
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Hey, Amy. Something you might try is to take your 15 minutes before you come through the door. Park just down the hill from the driveway, turn down the radio, recline the seat and clear your head. Relax and let the stress of the day drift away. Then when you come through the door you’ll be more ready to meet the needs of your family head on.

Thanks for the great blog!

Comment by Roger Farnsworth

I understand. I don’t have kids yet, but I have begun in the last year a family household with my partner. I sometimes feel like as soon as I come home I am getting dinner ready and doing chores. I often let out a big sigh as soon as I sit down to dinner, because that is the first time I can truly sit and relax. I use my blog reading and writing as a chance to have a moment to myself. 🙂 Long drives home at times are also nice.

Comment by Lisa

Yes, I love blog reading and writing as a way to relax. In a way I’m glad I only live 8 minutes from my work…but sometimes it would be nice to have a bit of a drive to unwind a bit before I hit the front door.

Comment by oregonamy1972

Thank you so much for the blog votes. I finally have internet at home, so I can answer you back and read you as well. Thanks again!

Comment by karen

It is clear that your blog is an important, ongoing part of your self-care plan and is a digital support system for professional practice. What a great example for others to follow!

Comment by Leslie

I don’t have any suggestions although Roger’s one is very good.. but just to say I can completely see where you’re coming from on this.

Comment by cb

Great blog. This post really touches me because it’s obvious that you are giving a great deal of yourself at work, only to come home and be expected to give more.

I hope your husband is considerate enough to work out a solution with you. If not, I would suggest that you hire someone to come in before you get home from work and give you at least an hour to unwind. The cost would be less than the damage to your marriage.

You must take time for yourself!

Comment by trailerparkqueen

I treated myself to a spa treament over the weekend and realised that as women we never take enough time for ourselves and never stop working, even at home. My hubs is really great and helps out a lot and when I try to take some time for me I realise that I have forgotten the art of sitting on my bum and doing nothing! I worry that theres things to be done that Hubs couldn’t possibly do right, or feeling guilty cos I should be doing certain things with the kids. We can’t seem to get things right can we. The curse of the working mothers. No matter how understanding our partners are they either never get it right or we don’t let them!

Comment by dippydebs

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