Amy’s Life in Brief


Cyber-Stalkers

So, what do you do about them? I don’t necessarily mean those people who try to spam your blog or leave mean/inflammatory/flaming/fill-in-the-blank types of comments on your blog. I’m talking about someone who is maybe just an acquaintance, someone you’re not particularly close to.

I’m currently having a situation with someone like this. If I forget to make myself “invisible” on certain social media websites or email, this person pops on. This person has little to no interest in what is going on in my life. They knew about my current recognition but made no comment about that. They will maybe ask one cursory question about what I’m doing or how I’m doing.

Then, they launch into a long explanation of the current social strife going on in their life. They will ask if they can call me on the phone. I have come right out and said, via chat, “Look, I have a really emotionally challenging job. I really don’t have it in me to have long conversations with people about their problems when I’m at home. I want to spend time with my children.” Or, “Look, I have to get up and go to work in the morning.”

I’m thinking I may just have to tell this person, “Look, I don’t know you well enough to get this much personal information about your life. It almost feels like a clinician/client relationship, what you’re asking of me….and I’m not in private practice.”

I don’t want to be mean, though. I have close friends who I will talk with at length about the difficulties in their life, but they will also ask me about my own difficulties. There’s a true reciprocity.

And I guess that’s where the difference is in this relationship with this acquaintance. It’s all one person taking and expecting the other person to give.

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7 Comments so far
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I’m sure you’ve thought about this, but do you feel bad to just straight up block this person on social networks?

I don’t think you’d be mean to say that she’s asking you for clinical advice and you’re not in private practice. Somehow I think that being direct is the only way she’d listen.

Comment by Anatolia

I’ve been thinking along those lines myself…I haven’t wanted to go there, but that may be my only option…I can block her from seeing me, but that also means that no one else in my wider circle can either (right now I remain visible to my sisters and sister-in-law and a few close friends). This evening I just ignored her when she popped up to chat. I also have to wonder what’s going on with me that I feel bad for not making myself available to a person I hardly know and only met through a “Mommy Group”.

Comment by oregonamy1972

I think you are being much less rude that I would be.. I’d think you are too kind and patient!

Comment by cb

I’m thinking that I’m just going to block her…I realized that it’s not like I have to see her on any kind of a regular basis and we only have one friend in common and that friend now lives in the eastern part of the state…it feels so liberating to be just cutting ties!

Comment by oregonamy1972

I’m in a similar situation with a friend of mine. Yeah, we are actually sort of friends, it’s just that she’s so….emotional and she talks forever and I never feel I have the energy to deal with her. I never start chatting with her, but she keeps popping up wanting to talk. She calls a lot too, and talks for hours. I really don’t know what to do, cause she’s a really sweet person and I feel so bad for feeling like this. I don’t mind being her acquaintance, but not her best friend, I just don’t have the energy. How cruel huh? Know idea how to tell her. Anyway, know how you feel. Just be glad you don’t know her that well and tell her that how you feel. What do you have to lose?

Comment by Nitara

Go offline on FB. Also, I think you can manually go in and only let certain friends see that you’re online at any given time. I would tell you how to do it but seeing as I’m banned at this point….

Comment by Reas

I just decided to cut ties…we don’t live in the same town and I just don’t feel like dealing with the aggravation of dealing with her and feeling like I’m hiding…I feel liberated!

Comment by oregonamy1972




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