Amy’s Life in Brief

An Open Letter to the Neighbors…
March 2, 2010, 8:20 pm
Filed under: boundaries, family conflict, family life, home life | Tags:

Dear Neighbors,
Please be advised that your child needs supervision. It’s slightly disturbing to me that he wanders around the neighborhood peering into windows, including ours. Actually, it’s a little bit creepy. It’s a bit upsetting to me that he will come to our house and stay for several hours and you don’t check in to make sure he’s actually here or that he’s behaving or any number of other reasons you would call and check on your child who is under the age of 8 when you haven’t seen him for 4 hours. I wouldn’t mind having him over if you would provide him enough structure and supervision at home that he could behave himself in the homes of others.

Basically, Neighbors, you need to step up and be better parents. It appears that you are meeting your needs financially. I don’t think you are alcoholics or drug addicts, although to be fair, I don’t know you well enough to say that for sure. And I know that being a parent is emotionally and physically exhausting…but that doesn’t mean you should send your kid to another person’s home for hours at a time. I frankly don’t have a lot of interest in parenting your child.

So, there it is, Neighbor. Can we work on this? I’ve tried to talk to you about this, but I don’t think you want to hear it.

A Parent Who Has Her Own Kids to Worry About

Weeding out my posts…
April 12, 2009, 5:09 am
Filed under: blogging, boundaries, co-worker relations | Tags:

I have gone through and weeded out a few posts. With some things going on at work, I felt like I needed to delete of few of my posts. I don’t think anything was particularly inflammatory or even harsh, but I wouldn’t want a particular person to locate those posts and use them against me…so if you were looking for something and can’t seem to find it…that may be where it went! The cyber-garbage can!

How does burn out start?
April 8, 2009, 5:38 am
Filed under: balance, boundaries, burn out, family life, home life, mom | Tags: ,

I’ve been wondering about this and have been thinking that maybe I know. I don’t write much about my Dear Husband. Generally speaking, I have a very good husband. He loves me and loves our kids and when does things, he almost always has the best interest of our family in mind. And given the work I do and the things I see, I realize we would have to travel a long way down a very different path to even get close to a troubled marriage. And now, here it comes….

BUT, he is burning me out, I think. I don’t say this in a boastful way, but I have a pretty demanding and stressful job. Most days, I am trying to find solutions to impossible problems, dealing with the emotional baggage of others and generally listening to some pretty sad stories all day long. He has a pretty demanding job right now, too. I recognize that. In fact, I did that job for five years…staying home with the kids is very difficult. The pay and benefits are lousy, the hours suck, and the bosses are pretty demanding.

But, finding a balance has been difficult for me. I am finding it more and more difficult to come straight home from work and immediately begin working as soon as I arrive. My husband is very ready for me to be home each night and promptly disappears once I arrive. I occasionally am able to change my clothes, but lately that has been difficult to accomplish. I’ve tried negotiating at least 15 minutes upon arrival as a free time so I can change my clothes and gather myself. His response is, “But the kids want you and I need a break.”

The interesting thing is that when the roles were reversed and I was the stay at home parent, I didn’t get my chance to disappear until around 6:00 PM. Then, I had about 30 minutes before I had to do baths, the D’s medication and putting kids to bed. Now, my husband gives the boys their baths, but I still do the D’s medication and put them to bed. Had I tried to negotiate a similar arrangement when the husband was working, he would have been appalled that I would even suggest something like that.

And so now I am feeling overworked. I work all day, come home and cook dinner and basically tend to everyone’s needs until about 8:30 at night. And I’m just feeling very frustrated that I can’t get my husband to understand where I’m coming from.